a year after

dear mr. bront,

i had palpitations when i momentarily got wrong password entered.

it has been almost a year since my last post and it is already 2017.

i admit, i got hooked on smartphones and living my daily life diligently while watching too much kdramas after i decided not to pursue my phd last year. maybe this year instead, insyaAllah.

nothing changes for me except for gaining more weight, which is not so mysterious anymore.

i think i should get a complete health screening before february comes.

i will be 35 this year and still five hours away from my parents. it is so sad that i have to reduce my biweekly visit temporarily because of accommodation issues. it is just me, i just couldn't be bothered to say anything so that no one will be hurt. but i do feel a bit like an orphan these days being on my own during weekends instead of seeing them more. can't imagine i am already 35 and still have a child inside my heart. it breaks my heart that every time i went back to visit my parents as i saw their hairs getting even whiter than the last visit. it is just so different every visits even if what i did was hanging around doing nothing significant, seeing their faces is already a reward. ya Allah.

then i realize. oh, i am getting older too.

i don't have time for resentments anymore, i am forgiving people one by one and let Allah determine the rest. with so much sadness that i have, i can only bury them deep inside. once in a while it will run through my mind and i got a sudden burst of tears in the middle of the night. it is just me crying in my sleep occasionally.

it is healthier for me. at least i thought so.

so until next post, i will try living happily and smile more. insyaAllah. have less kdramas watching too.